I hurtled into 2014 on an aeroplane taking me back to Australia after a cosy Christmas at home in the UK that left me suitably warm and fuzzy inside.
There was lots of this:
And lots of fuss made over these cuties:
And lots of time spent with favourite people:
What has left me even warmer is the sweltering Queensland summer I've returned to. While lolling in an undignified fashion on my sofa in the direct and constant stream of a large fan, fighting the jetlag, I did some reflecting on where I am at with things at the start of 2014.
It's been a strange couple of years up until now in which I've experienced my first bout of real anxiety - not just the usual day-to-day worries, but the kind you need to see a doctor about. Luckily I feel like the worst is behind me, and somehow I'm entering this year with a sense of contentment - something that's felt missing for a while, despite the great things I know I have in my life. I now feel more at peace with my decision to live in Australia, 10,000 miles away from my family and friends. I'm feeling so appreciative of my relationship with my partner, his family and the new friends I have made here in Aus. Yes, I want to improve on healthy eating, exercise and saving money, but I'm taking small steps in the right direction and being kinder to myself along the way. I want to pursue my love of decor by doing a short course. I want to continue to improve my photography. I want to put more of myself into this blog as a creative outlet. I want to move closer to buying my first home. But when I hear the dreaded 'should' word creep into my head I will stop and remind myself that these are things I WANT, not chores I have to complete or things I need to do to impress others. I can choose to do these things or I can choose not to do them. Either is ok.
Sometimes I like nothing more than to curl up with a cup of coffee and browse my way through all the shiny, perfectly styled blog posts out there on fashion, beauty and interiors, but I do tend to fall into the comparison trap. I see all these young, bright and enthusiastic girls who are launching creative businesses and living their passions and I feel like at 31 years old, I'm seriously lagging behind. I have an ordinary job that isn't too stressful (most of the time!) and pays the bills, but I constantly feel pressure (admittedly self-imposed) to discover my grander purpose and to be forging a career path in a field that I love. When I moved to Australia to be with my partner I left behind a teaching career that was going well. It's the most challenging thing I have ever done and the thing that I feel most proud of to date. But when the time came to leave, I was ready to go. I'd had enough. I was burned out. Since then, I've drifted on the wind and haven't really made a proactive decision on the direction I want to take next. That was over three years ago and I cringe as I think of the time flying by. The truth is, I just don't know what I really want (and don't get me started on the question of having children - way too overwhelming!).
But right now, at the start of a new year with its promise of fresh starts and unwritten stories, I finally feel like that's ok. That's allowed. It doesn't mean I am failing. It doesn't mean I have to rush to figure out the answers before it's 'too late'. It doesn't mean that I can't be content with all that I have right now. I have so much to be thankful for and I know that.
From the sea of 'inspirational' quotations that are swirling about the internet these days, I've whittled it down to three that resonate with me the most here and now:
1. 'Make no comparisons. Keep your head down and do your own thing.' - Torrie Asai
2. 'There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.' - Zora Neale Hurston
3. 'You will never have to force anything that's truly meant to be.' - Unknown
Where are you at this new year?
C
x
